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i sit and hold my knees to my chest, which somehow keeps my body from falling apart, starting with tears and then my heart.
everything hurts, from my head to my soul.
my skin crawls because it is my skin.
my blood boils at the thought that it has to keep me alive.
and my bones ache under the weight of carrying me through life.
my stomach turns, and the voices yell, and it’s all too much, i try and yell back.
but nothing cares, not even the people that claim they do (where are you?)
i’m tired of having to grow—to take something with me and go.
take something from them and go.
it’s a faded world and i don’t want any more of it, the conversations i don’t remember, the faces i meet.
i just want to shrink into the floor, become something with a purpose... something more.
my head hurts, i say for the millionth time.
i don’t want to stay. i want to go.