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I’ve grown since you’ve been gone
I’ve finally found what i’ve been searching for
what has been holding me back all these years
Scared that i’ll never find the one i can give my heart to
but it must mean something when you stayed up all night with me
sitting on lawn chairs in your garage
as we chain smoked the night away
and that you can uncover my thoughts without trying
I’ve grown since you’ve left and i’m almost a whole person now
the world seems brighter and music sounds sweeter
i still miss the sound of your voice
my old security blanket
I’ve done some regrettable things since you’ve been gone
I gave my body to someone who doesn’t love me
just to stop thinking of you
but it didn’t work.
this isn’t the first time either
that night i ran to you telling you how he loved me
i really had just let him use me
and needed to dip into your over flowing bucket to feel real
your smile shined brighter than the sunrise we waited for
but never came
never once did I not look at you
and scream in my head
i love you
I’ve been wanting to tell you everything since you’ve been gone
but i still have yet to find the words to say it all
i’m a dictionary spilled onto the floor in a jumble of lost trains
The more time away from you the easier it is to construct sentences
but they crumble at my fingertips when i try to share them
and like a waterfall i crash in a deafening sound of white noise
i could easily scream into a void and the silence would sound louder in my heart
i have destroyed myself only to build myself a new
and men have lined up to tell me they love me
but they’re not who i want
i don’t want a prince in shining armor because the reflection is blinding
i want a love with dirt under his toenails and a heartfelt crooked smile
and i don’t want to feel tired all the time anymore
i want to feel something new something i actually enjoy
that 30 minutes we spent felt like a lifetime of weight was lifted
and that nothing else mattered
other than that