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I Survived

A Performance Poem

This is one of my earlier poems from late 2016. The picture is from 2017 in Chesterfield.

Depression begins to fade,

Like daylight in winter,

The blue sky fades,

Stars blaze, like sequins in a purple dress, that demeter wears, dancing across the night sky.

It's time for relief, time for rest.

Those thoughts of pain and heartbreak dimmer,

As self worth grows again,

Like a flower in winter,

Feeling like loving yourself should be an impossibility, begins to fade

As a radiating heat emerges from your chest,

Which keeps you warm in winter,

And strong enough to power through the pain,

Cuts become scars,

Love blossoms from friendships,

Life begins a new.

Because people do love you,

I know you still sometimes desperately want to be held, for someone to be your rock to lean on,

When those low moments hit,

As those dark thoughts step in,

Haunting your mind,

Making you question who loves you,

Why your self worth, has again just died,

Believe me, I've felt that way, I survived,

So alone in the world, that I thought it best that I should die.

See, finding intramural love,

When your heart is still bleeding is like, walking on ice, barefoot, feet freezing.

You're not really alive, but you keep on stepping,

Until you just can't anymore,

You've made your decision,

It's time to fade,

Time to become something that won't hurt anyone,

Because who's going to care when I'm just hollow bones?

Will anyone stop?

Will they moan?

Will I leave I giant hole in people's hearts?

No, you won't.

Your mind states.

“It's time,” you say.

“You're ready” you say.

I was ready,

Two times I tried, each time I failed.

The battle scars of depression,

Are prominent on my wrists

The brand of my survival,

Which became the epicentre of my insecurities,

Though times began to change,

A couple months later,

When my best friend told me,

I was worth it,

That he wanted to know the “real me”

I cried because for the first time I felt worth something again,

I was needed,

I was valued,

These heroes who helped me find my self worth,

Who made me feel unafraid, to step back into the light,

And feel significant again,

So please, let me say to you,

I've got you, I'm here for you,

You mean something to someone,

You mean something to me.

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