I Surrender

I surrender

I can no longer hold on to what’s not there

I have waited and looked to my future for answers

There is nothing there. Everything is tasteless without you

There is no scent to anything.

I’ve gone color blind waiting to see the brightness my eyes used to see.

The World has gone quiet.

All I hear are the silent memories that replay in my head of a time when we once shared so much joy and laughter.

I’ve waited, looking to my future for answers

I still see nothing.

No light at the end of the tunnel.

No Grand Mirage. No Great Valley.

Just darkness. Where there once was brightness and love and light!

Sure… I still believe there is a future.

But it’s so dark, I can’t see it. I know it’s there though.

Like Air. I know it's there. But you’re not there. You’re gone.

What was I thinking loving you like that?

What was going on in my mind that I thought I could have you forever?

I swear I dreamt this whole love up! Like a mid-day Daydream. The ones that bring smiles to your face and you get so lost in that you pay no attention to the teacher or any peers that are speaking almost directly to you.

Lost in a dream so powerful that you feel it in your bones and it send shivers down your spine with excitement and anticipation.

Geez I long for that feeling again. The anticipation! That moment when you walk through that door wrapping your arms around me and just throwing your things to the floor. I long for that!

Those moments when you would hug me from behind to taste my food before anyone else.

Those mornings when you pulled me close and wrapped your arms around me and lovingly taking what you knew was all yours.

And I was! Problem was… you were never mine.

I borrowed you! Without knowledge. Never knew I was gonna have to surrender you back to what you knew before me.

I thought you were mine as much as you knew I was yours.

I had no problem giving myself to you. With intention that you would be mine. No Doubt.

You had no problem taking me! You had no problem letting me give my whole to you!

You also had no problem giving me all of you just to take it back and give it to her.

I surrender! I can’t do this anymore!

I need flavor in my life. I need color! I can’t see without you and I want to see!

I give up! I can’t wait anymore to see what happens.

I already know. Like a movie I know the ending to. I already know how it ends.

This is no happy love story. Nope. This is tragic. About a girl who fell in love with a man who loved another girl. And although he loved this girl too, his family would never accept her. They would hold on to the other girl until he was done learning and taking all he could from the one girl he knew he could learn love from. He drained her. Took every ounce. Left her empty. All her supply was gone. She had nothing left inside her when he left. She had no more to give him just so he could give to someone else. It was just so much. So much to take and so much to give. It was so much.

So I surrender. I’ve waited! I’ve looked to my future! There Is Nothing! Nothing but a life I must live without you.