I Still Breakdown

I still breakdown.

I thought after a while of not seeing you,

All the pain that you have brought me would have diminished by now.

But it hasn't.

I saw you a couple of weeks ago.

I was at a bus stop with a friend.

I kept looking at you,

Thought you were a stranger from another world.

I'd never seen you before.

Once the bus has arrived

And we all got up,

I recognized you.

Did you recognize me?

Just one glance, I couldn't take it.

"I'm leaving." I told my friend.

I didn't know where to go but I just knew

I wanted to get the hell out of there.

But we didn't leave.

Inside the bus, I had a panic attack.

"Look at me, just look at me. Don't look at him." My friend said.

I told myself to breathe.

All of the memories and cruel words you said to me in the past,

I still carry it.

It's buried underneath but seeing you again, it surfaced right back up.

Looking at my friend, I didn't want to cry.

My heart, it's fracturing again.

She looks at me, she empathizes.

The whole bus ride, I didn't speak.

I felt bad for my friend, I didn't talk to her.

But I was concerned for myself first.

The five minute bus ride felt like forever.

But once our destination has arrived,

I took a big deep breath and exhaled.

"I'm safe now." I thought to myself.

I don't know when the words you've said to me will fade,

I just know that it still hurts seeing you.