I Should Have

I should have.

I should have listened to my mom when she told me he wasn't good for me.

I should have listened to my gut when I felt something off about him in the beginning.

I should have loved him harder so he'd forget about her.

I should have loved myself before loving him.

I should have gotten the help I needed in order for our relationship to be healthy.

I should have listened to all the times my best friend told me he was toxic. Cancer. Tar in my lungs. But I was addicted to his taste.

I should have walked away when I had the chance.

I should have saved myself while I could. I should have looked out for my naïve self.

"How could anyone love anyone as fucked up as me?" I asked.

"Because you're PERFECT, and I am in love with you," He responded.

The letters L, O, V, and E burn now more than ever when they leave my mouth. Because I should have fucking listened to my gut when I met him.

I should have.