I Remember

I remember everything.

When you first caught my eye,

From a distance your bright coat against the night sky.

I remember being introduced,

You a handsome stranger

My best friend just turned matchmaker.

We’re drunk, you’re not.

She tells you I look hot,

You don’t disagree.

You give me a hug and say it was nice to meet me,

Then you leave.

And I remember to breathe.

I remember the next time,

I went around my friends to consume too much wine.

You live in the same flat.

I can’t get over that.

Why had I not met you before?

You’re there when I walk in the door.

You were so polite,

I was too nervous to make conversation that night.

I remember settling in.

I felt so at home,

So soon I made it my own.

You never argued,

Even though I did intrude.

You welcomed the sofa surfer,

Because you recognized how her own home hurt her.

I remember her birthday.

Our mutual connection now nineteen snuck away.

We laughed at their flirtation,

And turned a blind eye to our own.

I remember the whiskey.

And then you kissed me,

After we had told stories.

Our lifetimes were exchanged,

In four hours we ranged,

From our first loves,

To lost loved ones.

I remember the sex.

You took me by the hand and said

“Come with me.”

At that moment I gave myself over completely.

It was a one-night stand,

Not what I would have planned.

I remember talking,

You asked if my hangover was okay,

I nod and smile, I still had hope that day.

I remember breaking.

You were upfront with communicating,

You wanted to get back with your ex

What was I even expecting?

It was just sex.

I remember the “I told you so’s”

The “We warned you not to get feelings.”

It’s true I have those.

I remember the morning after pill,

I felt so ill.

You made me tea,

Naïve about what my illness may be.

I remember bonding

The hours of corresponding,

Messaging, talking.

We let each other in.

We discuss things, our hopes and fears

Things I haven’t told people I’ve known for years.

I remember waiting,

The weeks of deliberating.

You and your ex aren’t back together,

You’re here talking to me not messaging her.

A few stolen moments I wish I could keep forever.

But there it is again,

Her name.

Your feelings seem plain.

I remember him.

I’m acting on a whim.

Trying to get over you,

But getting under him won't do.

I remember giving in,

The time I decided I couldn’t win.

Choosing not to read into everything that you do.

Realizing I don’t have a clue.

I remember when you then confused me,

Even though I’d promised myself profusely.

That whatever it was, was over.

But somehow when neither of us our sober,

I can’t explain how you make me feel.

But whatever this is,

It’s real.

I remember one evening,

You earned money to spend time with me.

It wasn’t necessary,

But I said let’s go, and you made it so.

We stay together,

A whole evening amongst friends,

But between us a tether.

You lean, comfort, almost hold.

We flirt and giggle,

And pretend to scold.

There are in jokes now,

Our own to be told.

But when I remember the jokes are in and I’m out,

My heart grows cold.

I remember when you said you didn’t.

Realising it meant nothing,

You weren’t reminiscent.

You don’t remember a thing.

Not the meeting, not the kiss.

The drugs and alcohol to you obscured,

All the moments I so dearly miss.

It’s a new pain and I wish I could be cured.

But I will never forget this.

For when you said, “Come with me.” My heart became yours.