I Miss Him

His eyes are so bright and new

Alive with excitement and love and gratitude

It makes me so happy

We just met and he loves me

And I love him.

He loves me

Me, a small fuzzy bear

Fluffy and brown

Nose, white as snow

He loves me

And I love him

He holds me close

A silent plea for protection

Against the monster in his closet

Against the demons the darkness brings

And I love him.

He gets dressed

Ready for a new beginning

He tells me he has to leave

“School is starting

but I’ll be back.”

And he is

And I love him.

He repeats this motion, till June

Then he’s back.

We spend summer together

And he doesn’t stop smiling

And I’m happy

And I love him.

This becomes routine

Three years

No change

But then he stays home

One day turns to two

Then three

Then four

And he looks sad

And tired

And weak

And I comfort him

As I have for years

And I love him.

He grabs me and we’re in the car

Then we’re not

And the rooms

Are bright and white

And I hear mom and dad crying

But not him

Because he’s holding me in

A silent plea for protection

Much like our first night

But this is different

Scarier

And it frightens me

But he thanks me

And loves me

And I love him.

Time passes

He looks weaker

And his brown curls disappear

And he’s sadder

But he holds me

And I love him.

He doesn’t move anymore

Doesn’t play anymore

Just holds me as he sleeps

I hear crying

But it’s not him

He doesn’t have the energy

But he still holds me

Tight to his chest

And I love him.

He can’t hold me tight

Not like he used to

It hurts him

And it hurts me.

Everything feels sad

Broken and hurting

He’s in so much pain

He whispers,

Quiet and raspy

“I love you”

And I love him.

The next night

Silent and sad

There is no more crying

All the tears have been spilt

He doesn’t hold me

He never will again

He loved me

And I love him.

Her eyes are so bright

The same as his

Excitement and love and gratitude

She doesn’t understand

It makes me so full of grief

A reminder of him

We just met and she loves me

And I love her.

But I miss him.