I May Be a Fool, But I Am Certainly No Idiot

You’re surprised.

You don’t believe me.

When I tell you my lab values are unremarkable.

The disbelief echo’s in your words.

I may be a fool;

But I’m certainly no idiot.

Yes my lab values are perfect;

All within normal limits.

I may be a fool ma’am,

But I’m certainly no idiot.

I am a registered nurse.

And I’ve studied her for years.

For over a decade,

I have reviewed, inquired, and analyzed.

For over a decade,

I have surveyed, read, and examined.

I may be a fool ma’am,

But I’m certainly no idiot.

I am educated.

Over the years,

I’ve become the master of disguise.

But I’ve also cried out for help.

Look through all my doctor’s appointments;

I have left you many tells.

Amenorrhea.

Hypoglycemia.

And even my simple words.

I have told you exactly what’s wrong.

I have begged you to say that I have a problem.

I have pleaded with you to tell me,

That I need to get help.

So ma’am,

While I may be a fool;

I am certainly no idiot.

This brings us to today.

I know I came here for something else.

The truth is.

That would have been easier.

It would have been easier,

Easier if something else,

Some mood disorder,

Was the reason she was here.

It would have been easier if something else,

Something that could be fixed by a pill,

Was causing her,

Some mood disorder,

Was the reason she was here.

The truth is.

That would have been easier,

If a pill could make her go away.

The truth is,

This isn’t going to be easy,

No pill can make her go away.

The truth is,

I know all of this.

And while I may be a fool ma’am;

I am certainly no idiot.

You’re sitting there,

Across this giant, empty room,

Hard, stern, and cold.

You’re sitting there,

And I am here alone.

You’re sitting there,

Telling me the words that are so hard to hear.

Telling me the words that I have known for so long.

Telling me the words that I have been waiting to hear.

Telling me the words that I have been begging for someone to say.

So thank you.

But with no disrespect ma’am.

It was not you who figured it out.

It was not you who left all the tells.

It was not you who educated yourself about all the risks.

It was not you who learned how to minimize those complications.

It was not you who became the master of disguise.

So while you sit there surprised,

While you sit there in utter disbelief.

I thank you,

For telling me the words I have been asking for someone to say.

Begging for someone to say.

But please know.

While I may be a fool ma’am

I am certainly no idiot.