I'm the One Who

I’m the one who won’t be falling backwards.

Five older siblings taught me that,

because when my brothers weren’t throwing me out in the snow,

they were letting me fall on my back.

I’m the one who’s always the talk of family dinners, though rarely the one spoken to.

It doesn’t really matter though, does it?

So you’re welcome, minus the thank you.

I’m the one at Thanksgiving in my nightgown, because no way am I getting dressed for this.

The one with too short hair, bumps and bruises she can’t remember getting and yes

the one who has yet to find a man.

I’m also the gay cousin, so again you’re off the hook.

Well, actually the bi cousin, but everything’s gay something or other for a reason right?

And maybe- just maybe- if I say it long enough mom will give up on the straight end too.

I’m the one who’s so domestic I make myself sick.

Because domestic is the last thing I’m trying for,

and if that’s where this is going I’d rather quit.

I’m the one who hates everyone, or at least, the one who says so, because my god it’s easier than saying I’m scared.

The one with stuttered words, shaking hands and a constant shadow of doubt, for both me and the one’s around me,

is it really any wonder I don’t stick around?

I’m the one who’s waltzed with depression so long, she’s forgotten the steps to dance alone,

but also the one with flower shirts, and a head full of songs I replayed until I felt them in my bones.

The one who despite everything, has at least one friend she can come home to,

who upon rare occasion, makes her think that maybe falling backwards isn’t such a silly thing to do.