I'm Sorry

I wanted to say I'm sorry... and

Not like all of the other times I've said I'm sorry...

This time I want to mean it...

For years I've repeatedly told you that I would fix it everytime I made a mistake

For all the years I told you that you weren't enough

For every time I pushed you from the edge of morality free falling into a decision that changed your life

For every lie I convinced you was truth

For every hand I watched you lay your heart in, knowing it wasn't safe

For every time I let you walk back into the arms of someone who I knew wanted to crush you in their embrace

For every bed I let you believe it was okay to crawl out of and every touch that I let you believe was love

For never allowing you to be weak and for letting you be the shoulder upon which I placed the world...

For being blind when you couldn't bare the weight of it all

For allowing you to destroy yourself by living inside of the beliefs that you deserved less

For the irrevocable damage I caused on the tattered and torn remnants you now have to claim as your soul

And for God's sake... the stress...

I'm sorry for all of the times you looked to me for comfort and I made it worse..

For the time you needed a hand to pull you from the wreckage... but I stood on your chest daring you to move

For the late nights you spent awake begging for breath and I just kept taking until you were left gasping for air...

For all the times I compared you to everyone else and beat you down for not being able to be anyone else..

For all the time I crushed your dreams by letting you repeat the what ifs .... the why's and the should haves..

For telling you that you can't

For blaming you for things out of your control

It seems I have a lot to be sorry for... and I wanted to say I'm sorry... but sorry doesn't fix it all... I guess it's a start... I vow to stop being the villian who keeps breaking her own heart...