I'm Letting It

I’m letting my thoughts chew me up and then spit me out and leave me alone and ripped apart

I can’t hold on to reality most days except for an hour at a time I need to escape I need to escape why am I not good enough yet?

Why am I still having these thoughts?

Why am I not better yet?

I’m letting my thoughts keep me up at night until I’m p e e l i n g the skin off my face slowly; hysterically laughing in pain

I need to forget but I need to remember what I’m forgetting first

I’m letting my fingers glide across my ribs and feeling the invisible pain come back after two days of only one meal being sufficient

Shouldn’t I be good enough now?

Why am I not better?

I’m letting the tears be held and I’m letting the walls back up and I’m letting my days be spent in bed and I’m forgetting what happy feels like unless I’m in your arms but wait no because sometimes I feel happy alone too but why do I feel like I’m worthless when you’re saying I’m not

I need to escape I need to remember so I can forget I need to forget why am I not good enough yet?

I’m letting it chew me up and keep me up at night