I Love Him

This is relating to loving someone but not being sure if you are in love with that person.

I love him.

I told him I loved him... when I know I don’t believe in love at my age.

I told him that I want to be with him and that I love him; I gave him that reassurance when I know I shouldn’t have.

He told me I love you first and in my head I said, “I’m scared of loving another individual because I feel as if loving him, he won’t love me as much as I love him. It will only be myself in this relationship, that is giving, giving, and giving, when he’s just taking, taking, and taking. ”

If I give away a piece of my heart to him, he would take it and destroy it.

This, this feeling has consumed me entirely and I can’t seem to shake it.

He told me when I’m ready to love and know what I want, let him know.

But what if I don’t know what I want yet.

There’s a gap in between us. He has his life somewhat figured out and wanting to settle down and is looking for a girl to marry and have kids.

He wants that future but with me in it... but I don’t know if I can give him that future.

I am too young and haven’t lived out my life yet; these are all excuses that I make for myself to block the emotional connection and the feelings that I have for him.

He told me don’t waste his time and I am really trying not to but I can’t help but think that I am; and he knows it, but won’t say it because he loves me.

I can’t stop this feeling, this feeling of loving him but not wanting to be in love with him.

Not wanting to give up something that hasn’t been given up yet.

I will continuously keep pushing him away because I don’t believe in love even though I told him I love you.

I told him that and I know it’s a lie but it’s not at the same time.

Loving someone while not believing in it is difficult but I can’t stop these feelings from growing because he has poisoned me with happiness.

For someone who has been alone for so long this is something I am not used to... but if I love him, I have to just let it happen. And tell him I love you.