Katherine Caruso
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I Hide

A little something I wrote when an in-law misused my money—and left my son, fiancee, and I with nothing.

Why do you gotta think I'm always fine, don't you realize the stress I hide?

Behind my eyes and believable lies- you'll never know how often I cry.

My mind is an eggshell- delicate and fragile.

The stress alone is intoxicating, nicotine patches and AA have no meaning to me.

What's a therapist really going to do, I'm sure they all have problems too.

Why do you gotta think I'm fine- don't you realize the stress I hide?

Behind my eyes and believable lies- You'll never know the battles I fight.

Everyday is a fight to survive- all I want to do is stay alive.

So for those who ask, no I'm not alright and no I don't want to talk about whats on my mind.

I know your going to ask me why- answer is its something I just want to hide. I don't want to remember the abuse, or how much booze he used- or how many living arrangements I went through. Many regrets throughout my life....so many mistakes I made thrice. Now it seems I need therapy- but what good will it really do for me?

"Talk about your issues its ok- I wont tell a soul anything you say. I'll hold your hand and guide you along the way- with weekly appointments and medicine you'll be okay.".... its a tempting phrase, making me believe my issues will fade- but deep down the damage is done, medicine or not whats done is done. The pill cant erase my memories, or fix the mistakes that I chose to make.

I just gotta keep looking to the sun, remembering that I'm not the only one. Approach me with caution until I'm done-I don't want my problems to shoot the gun. Five years of moving, no place to call home- I'm sick and tired of being on my own. It's so gratifying too know that after all I did, your still running the show.

"Leave my clothes at home"

"let them eat cake"- it goes without saying all your kind gestures were fake.

"Talk about your issues its ok- I wont tell a soul anything you say. I'll hold your hand and guide you along the way- with weekly appointments and medicine you'll be okay"- I wonder if things really work this way?

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I Hide
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