I hate it how it's been years,
and the words spoken
are still fresher in my mind
than if I had heard them a minute ago.
I hate the fact
that those words
are stuck in my head,
and rush through my brain
like a song on repeat,
at every waking moment of every day ,
and beyond.
I hate that I love
when I can't even define the word.
I hate that I am left speechless
when most expected to speak.
I hate that I commit myself
to something that doesn't even exist.
I hate it how hard I fight myself
to get over what I was never even under.
Yet still lose the battle
every damn time.
I hate that the same name
always manages to find it's way into all my mindless scribbles
and is more present in my head
than the name of G-d.
I hate that "nothing,"
feels like "everything."
But most of all I hate that I hate,
because hate is a strong feeling
that you would only bother taking the energy to have
towards something you care about,
and I hate that I care about this so much
that I hate it so bad.
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