I Dreamt I Was a Tree

"If I know what love is, it is because of you."

~Hermann Hesse~

I dreamt I was a tree.

I entered into autumn with you.

The last warmth of sunshine warming my bark with your smile as the leaves of distrust from former relationships I discarded and I dropped willingly at my root-like feet.

I dreamt I was a tree.

I entered into winter with you.

I was blanketed in the bliss of your cool affection, the glint of love and appreciation in your ice blue eyes sparkling at me like crystals being reflected in the wan sunlight. I was snowblind and surrounded and covered by you, content to hibernate with you in a cave you dug for me to survive. Winter was a time of stories, eating the harvest of warm days and bundling up together to stay warm. Being heated by the fire we built from my dead wood.

I dreamt I was a tree.

I entered into spring with you.

The new season being ushered in briefly with the smash of metal, sounding like the ice on a river at break up...groaning and filled with terrifying apprehension. Your affection thawing like decaying snow, still covering me, but with each one of your steps...you were unsteady. Afraid and unwilling to fall. With each drip of the iv, it filled the streams like melting icicles slowly and trickling away. The mantle of snow blanketing me disappearing with the sparkle in your eyes. Break up was inevitable...you could not survive the destruction of that February day when both of our lives changed.

I dreamt I was a tree.

I entered into summer with you.

New distrust and cynicism budding in my branches, unfurling and hanging with despair. My branches shook with impotent rage when the last patches of affection melted like snow, My limbs quaking like the aspen...whispering warnings as the breeze blew change through us.. I could do nothing to stop the thaw, but my rootlike feet absorbing every last drop of the meltwater of our love. Hungry to feel your affection flowing through my veins, like sap. Nourishing me. Helping me grow despite my efforts to stay in another season.

I dreamt I was a tree.

Rooted in my forest. Unable to follow you when you walked away. The new leaves surrounding me. Looking down I realized, I hadn't gotten rid of my old distrust. It was decaying at my feet, being reabsorbed into my root system. Feeding me.

I dreamt I was a tree.

Unable to move. Standing stately in my grief. Swaying in the wind of change. Silent in my anger. Wishing to shed my leaves.

I dreamt I was a tree.

Not reveling in the warmth of summer like i should be.

I dreamt I was a tree.

Dreaming of winter. Dreaming of you.