I Don’t Miss You

I don’t miss you anymore.

I don’t stay up late wondering what we could have been.

But every once in a while, I find you crossing my mind.

Every once in a while, I remember.

I remember the way you kissed me and the way you held my hand.

I remember the way you dried my tears.

I’ll be alone and all of this comes rushing back to me.

I don’t know how to deal with these memories and I don’t know if you still think about me, like I think about you.

I found someone new now.

He treats me better than you ever could.

He doesn’t make me cry like you did.

He doesn’t make me feel like a second choice, like you did.

He doesn’t make me doubt myself or feel worthless.

His hand fits in mine better than yours ever did.

His lips lock with mine, better than yours ever did.

Do you remember what you said?

You texted me and said to me, “someone will do right by you.”

I used to wish it was you.

Do you remember the late nights we had?

Do you remember at the water?

Do you remember all the times we had?

From the first time we met, to the first time we kissed, to the last time we spoke?

Your voice is fading from my memory, but your words still haunt me.

I try to forget you, but you keep coming back.

I try to erase you, but you’re like ink on paper.

You can’t be erased.

I’m stuck in your trap and you don’t even know.

I know I wasn’t the only one in your bed, but when it was us everything faded away.

Do you remember anything we said?

Every joke, every talk in your bed?

I wish we could have stayed.

I didn’t know the last time would be the last.

I didn’t know I’d get my heart broken.

I tried to forget everything we went through.

But I wish you would have stayed.

This new guy isn’t you.

He’s funny, he’s sweet, he actually cares about me.

After you, I spent two years trying to learn how to let someone in my life. I failed every single time until him.

You hurt me and I need you to know that.

You destroyed my trust, my heart, my confidence.

But I don’t just blame you.

I blame myself.

I blame myself for letting you in.

I blame myself for trying to be more than coworkers with you.

I blame myself for caring about you.

I blame myself for thinking you could be something else than just a stoner boy.

I broke my morals for you. I broke rules for you. I stayed out until 4 AM, for YOU.

I did it all for you and you couldn’t even show that you cared in the slightest bit.

This guy loves me for who I am.

He sees past my flaws and past my imperfections.

He doesn’t mind if I’m crazy sometimes.

He puts up with me being annoying.

Because he actually cares.

He knows how to love someone.

That’s something you were never capable of.

So, I hope you’re happy.

I hope one day you find your peace and you find your happiness like I have.

Maybe one day you will grow up and realize that caring about someone is more important than acting like you don’t.

You put up a wall to do what? Protect yourself?

Putting up a wall isn’t protecting you.

It will just make the pain a lot more worse when you actually start to care for someone and they break your heart like you broke mine.

I don’t blame you and I don’t miss you.