I Can See...

For a moment

Sunlight is beautiful

It is more than what I feared

The pure clouds bring me a sense of peace

In this moment...

I am happy

The world is no longer dying, people are no longer cruel, breathing is no longer a struggle and everything looks so livable

So, tempting

Ice spreads through my veins

Like stepping into the ocean during a hot day

Legs shaking as waves crash into me

For a moment, I realize

I’m going to miss this

The grass underneath my body reminds me where I’ll be buried

The beautiful green causes my heart to race

My mind feels unsteady

As I remind myself

Why...

Years of being punished

Hurt

Broken

Of saying sorry Being used

I finally had enough

I’m not strong enough I can’t do this...

I failed

I’m so tired

My walls never last

I will always allow hurt.

I deserve it...

What I don’t deserve is to be loved...

I’ve learned I’m not worth it

I’m not worthy

I don’t want to die

But I know it’s the only way out this personal hell

I want life...

I want to love someone the way I want to be love

I want to see nightfall

I want to hear laughter

See people smiling

I realize

I must feel pain

So, I can see another day

Vision blurs as my breath escapes me I made this decision

It seemed so right

Twisting the orange container Two left...

Out of twenty Who am I...

To disturb this peace

My decision

Supposed to be my last

Scared to die alone

Forgotten

No longer holding a container, no longer lying on my back, finally deciding

To live

Fire in my throat as I surrender the swallowed pills to the beautiful green grass

Peace... Relief... Happiness

As I realize I have seen living all my life

Overshadowed by grief

Depression

Madness

Tears of life

Warm salt filled tears

Gasping for air

While laughing from relief

Knowing I will not die today that I am strong

I finally see...

A life worth living.

~Everyone struggles in life. We all deal with difficult things. We should never compare our pain to those around us.~