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For a moment
Sunlight is beautiful
It is more than what I feared
The pure clouds bring me a sense of peace
In this moment...
I am happy
The world is no longer dying, people are no longer cruel, breathing is no longer a struggle and everything looks so livable
Ice spreads through my veins
Like stepping into the ocean during a hot day
Legs shaking as waves crash into me
For a moment, I realize
I’m going to miss this
The grass underneath my body reminds me where I’ll be buried
The beautiful green causes my heart to race
My mind feels unsteady
As I remind myself
Years of being punished
Of saying sorry Being used
I finally had enough
I’m not strong enough I can’t do this...
I’m so tired
My walls never last
I will always allow hurt.
I deserve it...
What I don’t deserve is to be loved...
I’ve learned I’m not worth it
I’m not worthy
I don’t want to die
But I know it’s the only way out this personal hell
I want life...
I want to love someone the way I want to be love
I want to see nightfall
I want to hear laughter
See people smiling
I must feel pain
So, I can see another day
Vision blurs as my breath escapes me I made this decision
It seemed so right
Twisting the orange container Two left...
Out of twenty Who am I...
To disturb this peace
Supposed to be my last
Scared to die alone
No longer holding a container, no longer lying on my back, finally deciding
Fire in my throat as I surrender the swallowed pills to the beautiful green grass
Peace... Relief... Happiness
As I realize I have seen living all my life
Overshadowed by grief
Tears of life
Warm salt filled tears
Gasping for air
While laughing from relief
Knowing I will not die today that I am strong
I finally see...
A life worth living.
~Everyone struggles in life. We all deal with difficult things. We should never compare our pain to those around us.~