I Ask the Same Question Every Night...

I can’t do this anymore

Laying here sobbing on the kitchen floor

She says she needs me here

I’m not important to anyone

My thought won’t leave me alone

She keeps telling me to hold on

I can’t escape the darkness in my head

Telling her everything, wouldn't be okay

So, I lie so she can’t be hurt

She asked me if I wanted to stay

I only said yes so she wouldn't be afraid

She doesn't know that I can’t breathe

Every time she leaves it means

The thoughts don't cease

My mind creates a battlefield

It wants to destroy every piece of me

So, I don't tell her the details of these pieces

The pieces that shattered on the floor the night before

She stays confused because she’s not someone I can let see me break

There are things I can’t say or feel with her

She can read me without even trying

I took too much poison

I just wanted to sleep, to be normal

I just want to be free...

Until you cried because of me

You've changed everything within me

So, if you're not okay, that’s when my heart doesn't beat

I break when you're away, when you leave and I don't see you for a few days

So, sometimes I can’t breathe

Sometimes I hope that you don't think you can save me

I may explode someday, like the end of your name

You were terrified to watch it obliterate

Someday, if I hold the same fate

I need to minimize the people in the quake

You have to be the one who comes out okay

That is why I push you away

But you are the only reason I stay...