I Am Three Depressions

I am Ashley

The soul whose name is spoke of the most. The believer of the impossible being done. The go getter that wants nothing but to prove that this body is made more for the light of success than the darkness of my past pain.

I am the smile that uplifts the most doubtful and the laugh that can heal the pain.

But not my own pain.

The pain I try to take away from others.

But the words are coming from a hypocrite, because the words that no matter how hard I try I can't follow.

I am the one who shows that I am tough, but easily broken, silent, but easily outspoken.

I am the confused mind that usually cant decide which way is up.

I do not give up.

I am the broken that CAN be fixed.

I am just Ashley's Depression...

I AM BRIAN!

The soul that protects the fragile feelings and shields the aching of ones heart. The one who fights the battles of those that spits fire on the body of neglection. The one with lost of faith, that is gladly to speak the truth to your face, but will do it with words that others would think is too reckless to say.

The one you would never see cry but has anger written all over my face and would hurt you before the thought of the slightest torture of me.

I am the wrong that thinks it's right, the drug that makes everything alright.

I am the one that picks up the pieces, the one that doesn't know what PEACE is and can literally laugh at the blood dripped from a love one that just... didn't say the right thing.

I am the definition of bipolar...

I am the take it or leave it because I'm going to be me until the day I die. The one that regardless if you say you care, and mean it, it's a lie.

The shhh, it doesn't matter because it's a lie.

The stop saying that because you're lying!

The one that stops love from approaching because I know its a lie!

I am the can't be handled.

I am just Brian's depression...

I am Brian,

I am the soul that is shy. The one that just never grew up. The one that endures all the self hate, that all I can do is cry. I am my father's PRINCESS that always feels less and gets taken advantage of when an inconsiderate being feels up my dress.

I am restless...

I am the one that can't eat, the one that can't sleep, the one that literally would rather hide in bed under suffocating sheets then speak.

I CAN NOT speak...

I can not stand the fact of other's laughing at me.

Did I say something wrong?

Are they laughing at the way I walk, the way I talk or even the scars within that I try desperately to cover up?

Just STOP LAUGHING AT ME!

Don't look at me, I don't want to be touched because it HURTS ME.

I am the anxiety!

The locked behind closed doors.

The LORD TAKE ME NOW!

The embarrassment of a human being.

I am the tear dropper that can't be tamed, the one that jumps in fear from the sound of Ashley's name...

I am the racing of ones heart.

The one that craves good things but doesn't have the strength to start!

I am the weak amongst the two, the one that quickly gets played like a fool, even the one that drops to her hands and knees from the word "LOVE."

I am the one that craves love...

I am the one that loves but doesn't get loved back.

I am the cut of the wrist for pure bliss and aggravating, stressful thinking.

I am the one who jumps when told because of rejection, if not done so, frightens me.

I am scared of being...

I am the lowest standard in ones eyes and the sigh of stupidity. Yet, no one see's it but me...

I am the broken glass that can not be fixed so I am swept up and thrown in the trash along with filthiness of my past doing's and regret. I am the one whose tears aren't done yet and because I can't grow up big and strong they never will be.

I am the leeches that sucks confidence and happiness right out of me, the one that stops the strong and talented to be the best they can be.

I am the soul of drainage and sorrow...

I am Brian's Depression...

We are Ashley the STRONG.

We are Brian the PROTECTOR.

We are Brian the WEAK.

WE ARE...Me.