How to Not Care About Yourself

1.

You should care about you.

Unbrushed teeth chatter,

loved ones surround you, how are you doing

really; are you sad?

What must get done-

will. Fingers quickly type.

2.

Go over self-care instructions:

meditation and instrumental

music--throw away.

Don’t bother listening to

advice from friends, family.

Impractical information; care for others

More than yourself.

3.

Betrayal: lessons of growth, a

stepping stone to give yourself

up for others. You

phone friends to chat, no

answer or Sorry. Busy.

4.

Tell your friend about anxiety attacks,

depression down spiral.

Take no atonement in the release; something

is always wrong, someone always

judges. You’re not safe.

5.

Shut up.

Get your shit together. No one cares.

Think about your family. Cry over

your ill parents and their

crumbling marriage. Twirl your

hair and pretend to study for school.

6.

You have gym on Monday, classes everyday, appointments,

meetings, shower, lunch, coffee with ‘friends.’

Focus on everything at the same time with no time to breathe.

Believe you

Can do every single thing possible then

Fail at three of ten things.

Satisfaction never guaranteed.

7.

One moment to rest, relax.

Two minutes pass and guilt

resides in your overloaded heart

From time ill spent.

Narrow your focus.

Accidentally forget two meetings.

8.

Sit again for just another 60 seconds.

Eat an unbalanced meal,

make empty conversation with people you hate.

Take note of the vacant, glazed over

look they give you as you rattle off things

to do. Soak it in.

Refer to step 1. Repeat.