How It Feels Being Me

It may appear to you

That I have my life together

You, the outsider looking in

But being me is

Exhausting

And deadening

I feel cracked

I feel bruised

Because of the tricks

My mind plays

I love you

Then I hate you

I'm lonely

Go away

Depression

And anxiety

Bad enough on their own

Together they battle

For the prime spot in my brain

How exhausting it feels

To care about everything

And care about nothing

All at the same time

How draining to be angry

At nothing at all

How dangerous to be aloof

When the risk is very real

I don't know which reactions

Are appropriate

I don't know how to gauge

I'm made of extremes

Irrationally enraged

Or cold and unfeeling

Or ambivalent entirely

They say that being me

Is like having burns

All over my body

That the slightest touch

Is agony

When it shouldn't be

But I think it's more like

A broken mirror

I see me

But she's distorted

Broken by neglect

Abuse

Cruelty

She's there

But only when the

Pieces are put back together

Can you see her