Hi, I'm Jacob. I'm an aspiring actor, applying for drama school. I also write Spoken Word also known as Slam Poetry. The purpose of this blog is to show the poetry (Spoken Word) and other stories that I have written in my spare time whilst looking for acting work, and auditioning for places.
I first discovered spoken word in 2015. It allowed me to deal with my thoughts and feelings in a way that I felt was healthy and creative. It was my old college friend who introduced me to it, and would show me the poems he wrote. I was just instantly blown away by his work, and I started to write that night. The first poem I wrote was awful, I think it was because I was trying to emanate someone else rather than write what is close to me, and be true to myself. Once I did that, I found my writing improved greatly, making poetry a passion of mine. I love watching Button Poetry on Youtube and have been desperate to get a hold of Neil Hilborn's book 'Our Numbered Days'.
Spoken word went hand in hand with my acting, because it was essentially a performance, quite an intimate performance at that because it was my own work. It was something personal to me, giving me so many opportunities to be on a stage, doing something when I was struggling to find acting work. The First Poem I performed was called 'Hollow Bones' and it was quite a personal poem for me, because it came from a time in my life where things were particularly difficult, and I felt trapped in this routine, hoping things would get better, as I just began to feel worse.
So here, in my first blog I'm putting the first poem I performed on stage for a Theatre Company in London 'Hollow Bones'. Thank you for taking the time to read my new blog and I hope you find my work engaging.
Hollow bones rising from a broken bed,
Sitting forward, breathing out that carbon dioxide,
As he prepares for the same grey day, followed by the same daily routine, unchanged, filled with feelings of disengagement.
Walking down the path in the busy city, invisible to world, as human eyes gaze down on phones, on notifications unchecked, growing old,
As Hollow bones reaches for his phone and sees no alerts, no messages, no missed calls,
just the same music ringing his ear, Ed Sheeran needing love through worn out gummies.
He walks into his job and says “Hello,” though no one feels his presence, instruction is given, instruction is followed, mopping floors and cleaning windows, serving customers who see him as a simple service rather than a person, declaring he needs to smile more.
Though Hollow are his bones,
Black and torn is what his heart has become, he can feel the wind flow through it, not the beating of what was once a healthy heart, that circulates the blood and colours his pale skin.
His mind his blank, emotions drained, squeezed and wrung out like a wet towel that’s left to dehydrate in the sun.
The routine is all he has, the regular schedule that keeps his body going, so his family feels like he’s doing something, and not just decaying in his bed at home, hardly eating whilst his self-worth just keeps on decreasing.
He has to leave, He can't feel anything, because of all that's happened, life is just watching days come and go, seeing notifications pop up on other people's phones, seeing people enjoying life as they blossom and grow.
He feels his home is not his own, his family just see a ghost, his co- workers don't see anything, and his friends are long gone. They walked away, when it all just became too much
He tried to change, to make things right, but she left him before he could even try.
Leaving him to pick up the pieces, his hands bleeding as he tries to fix the shards of broken promises and heartbreak.
But he couldn't,
He became Hollow bones, a working Zombie surrounded by the living,
So he shut away the world,
He's afraid to live his life,
He spent it asking “is there something wrong with me? Why would they do those things to me?
I tried to change, I wanted to change for you”
So hurt and so afraid,
Wanting the pain to go away,
He left a note for his family saying
“I'm sorry, I can no longer live this way”.