Hollow

It hurts. It hurts so much. I feel like I’m dying everyday. I’m breaking piece by piece. I’m trying to hold on to something that people are telling me isn’t worth the fight.

How can it not be? My heart races, my smile grows, my eyes light up, my knees go weak, my hands shake, my stomach twists and everything is a blur. Everything but you. I focus on you even when I don’t want to. I see you first in a crowd. I’d know you anywhere. The silence is unbelievable.

How could you leave me alone when you said forever? Did you ever really love me? The look in your eyes that you use to get, the way you would stare at me for no reason other than because you wanted to, or the way you arms wrapped around me and I seemed to fit perfectly. What about the way you said you loved me every time we talked. What happened that made you leave me so tragically?

The emptiness, the pain, the emotional destruction you caused should be enough to walk away but it isn’t. Forever and always, and I meant it. You can make me numb. You can break my heart but all those pieces are yours. I wish I could sleep forever but I can’t, even when I want you to wake me up from this nightmare.

When I see you, time stops. It’s frozen and I watch you walk away from my sight. When I see you leave I feel a pain in my chest. That pain is excruciating. Two hundred and thirty two days I have waited and it isn’t enough. I believe now that I was never enough for you. I didn’t plan on loving you but fate said so. It took four days for me to fall and I couldn’t tell you but you convinced me and I fell even harder when you said you loved me too.

Now I’m hollow. Numb. Empty. Lifeless. I sit alone inside myself wishing and dreaming. I always wake up hoping this was all a horrible nightmare. But being hollow means you don’t have to feel and I’m okay with that. If I feel I have to go through so much and I don’t want to. All I want to feel is your love but I’d have to be dead before I get that. I’m pretty close, wouldn’t you say?