Holiday Depression

Others wave their happiness in your face

Like a red flag

Like four aces in a game of cards you never wanted to play.

All the good cards are in their hands, and this makes you feel like even more of an outcast.

Even more of a loser.

Depression and anger go in waves.

The suicide rate goes up.

There is a thickness in the air that clings to you.

You can not shake these feeling no matter how much rum-spiked egg nog you consume.

No matter how many scented candles you light.

It is a sadness that lives in your soul.

An emptiness that can only be filled by those who are no longer living.

The ghost of Christmas pass.

The ghost of family and friends that are no longer with us to celebrate this season.

I long for January 1st when Christmas trees are discarded at the curb and the stores go back to playing 90’s pop music.

The lines at the stores go back to normal.

The parking lots are only half full.

Life goes back to normal until next year when the holiday season hits retail stores again.

People will stop showing off their overpriced gifts and throw their money in your face.

It’s this superior complex that fuels thefts around the holidays.

It fuels poor people feeling like they are not good enough and have to steal gifts for their family from random vehicles in mall parking lots.

Being an outsider sucks.

No Christmas cheer, no gifts from family or happy memories.

Holiday depression makes us reflect even more on all the things we are missing out on.

It’s all rage, resentment, and isolation for me.

I long for the holiday season to end.

I purchase my own gifts.

I get exactly what I want and there is no disappointment.

No pretending like I like something that I don’t.

No fake smiles.

And best of all no waiting in line for 45 minutes in a crowded store to exchange anything.

No small talk with strangers.

No sore feet.

Video games, movies, and writing.

These are my escapes from reality.

I long to be left alone by the outside world.

I feel at peace in the silence and lack of human interaction.

Holiday depression.

I count the days down until the new year.

I keep the company of stray cats.

They are thankful for the gifts of food I provide and their purrs are the only thing that warms my heart.

They ask no questions.

They are homeless and have a much harder life than I do.

These cats are my social life.

I love them more than most people.

I whisper to them and they whisper back.

Family are my enemies.

Only select friends understand my sorrow.

Why each year around this time is hard for me.

I keep the company of demons.

In my darkest hour, they speak to my soul.

They understand what others can not fathom.

Holiday depression in a nutshell.

*This poem is featured in "Peeling Sanity" Due for release in October 2018. Be sure to check out my other poetry collections on Amazon.

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