Heartbroken, I Suppose

It's been almost a year

11 months

Since you shattered me into pieces

And I can't explain it

But every time I hear your name

Or you come in

You pick up a new piece and take it with you

I don't know what I did to deserve this

But your smile, makes me feel safe,

Your eyes hug me even when they are closed

But your poisonous tongue

Makes it seem like "love" isn't even in your vocabulary

Maybe it's not

Maybe you're happy about the tears I've cried

The blood I've shed

Because you waltz in and out of my life

I don't know why your words make me feel like they are the only truth

Why am I not strong enough to resist you

You don't care

You make messes expecting everyone else to take care of

You give your money to charities that are corrupt

And systems that are bound to be overturned

Because the instant happiness

Is worth the come down

You are an addict

You make me feel hopelessly lost in the addictions I face

By becoming one

And now I dive headfirst into our memories

Tearing open my heart once more

To think about and morn those times

The times before I realized what you had done

Maybe you liked it better that way too

Because facades are only convincing

Until the mask falls

And even through all that digging

I couldn't find the one that made you truly safe

And made me truly belong