Heartache: My Demise

9:02 PM

i ask myself

if i was in love with you

i was ridiculously young and naïve

and yes, you never escaped the depths of my mind

but did you feel the same way?

was i in love?

my heart fluttered every time we got the chance to speak.

and the exhilarating feeling i would get every time you said my name in that buttery voice of yours

talking to you, i was all smiles

now...

i am more in love with the mere thought of you

not you as a person

i mean, how could i? we have not spoken to each other for almost a year

i'm just hopelessly in love with what we could be.

and maybe i'm just insanely lonely

but is it so crazy to believe that one day, i'll get the happy ever after i so utterly deserve?

maybe not with the person that i have imagined countless scenarios with

but someone who will make me as happy as you did

hopefully, even more so.

don't i deserve that much?

10:55 PM

i wonder if you still think about me half as much as i think about you

you wouldn't believe the amount of hours i've lost to reminiscing about what we used to be

or what we could be now,

now that we're older and have learned so much more about what love has to offer,

what would be different if you were mine again?

i wonder if you are as happy with her as you used to be with me

and i'll always believe that you chose her because she looks faintly like me

was it on purpose? i would like to think so.

i wonder if rejecting you twice was a mistake

i think you were in the same situation i am now

and sometimes i regret not taking you back when i had the chance

or i'll wonder if that is how it was meant to be.