Healing Poem

Yesterday I felt so overwhelmed, the pressure building

in my skull in my chest

unable to breath

unable to speak.

I took a blank piece of paper

crumpled it up,

Tossed it into the sink and took a match to it

Watched it burn.

I can't describe to you the beauty it

Took my breath away

stopped the flow of tears

I didn't think about you, for a minute

Until it was nothing but smoldering ash in the garbage disposal

I'm in a lot of pain.

Because I don't understand what happened between you and I

I don't know if I ever will

Dizzy is a good substitute for hollow,

Two steps forward, one step back

I've been subsisting on songs letting the

Lyrics fill me up because most nights

I get so hollow it hurts

Had we had a blood transfusion I don't think even then I could have given you as many of my

Secrets passions confessions ideas and idiosyncrasies

As I did.

I'm not sure that

Anyone except my mother has seen as much of who I really am as you have

You broke off

I'm not angry I just

don't understand why

Maybe that's the problem there's a

Ringing in my left ear

I'm disoriented because

I don't know what you're thinking I feel

Lobotomized.

I wrote it all down.

Packaged my thoughts into

Ink in spare moments

this is a poem

Woven of pain

composed in moments when I lay in my bed

Unable to breath

Scribbled on bookmarks in lonely classrooms

Added to line by line

Each time I woke up reeling from a dream of you

Each time I watched a movie and it made me cry

Each time I found myself singing along in the same way you did

I've discovered some new mannerisms, you see you've

Left a little bit of yourself in the way that I

listen to music and tell a punchline

I hope I did the same to you I hope that you still think of me sometimes

This is a healing poem.

I'll write down these things that I wish I could say to you these things that I

Think all the time my thumb

Hovering over the send button only to

Close the phone

Then I'll share it with strangers

let these

Broken heart emissions out into the air

Relieve some of the pressure.

We both know what it is to perform

I once told you that I first learned to trust you in front of an audience

there's very little that's more intimate than whispered encouragements onstage under lights.

This is a healing poem.

And I'm still in a lot of pain,

Still finding myself short of breath a lot still

Wishing you were here its very simple I miss you

That's the truth of it and

I still wish things were different.

But I'm thinking maybe I'm getting a little better

I'm thinking that two steps forward, one step back seems to be the way to do it

This is a healing poem.