He Loves Me, I Love Him Not

I woke up this morning

Covered in another man’s sweat.

Blanketed in sex and lonely

Despite the arms wrapped around me

I know this is a man I cannot keep.

At least I'm not sure that I want to.

I think it's because I am afraid that he wants me too.

I try to roll over

And he pulls me closer.

And isn't this the most accurate metaphor

For this kind of love.

No matter how fast I run.

He is always there to catch me.

Some days,

I want him too.

I know there will be a day that that he won't.

And this is my greatest fear.

To no longer be desired.

I don't know if I want to feel loved.

Or if I want someone to lust after me.

There is a special kind of ecstasy

In experiencing the warmth of another body

Against this cold heart.

I contemplate telling him this.

Of reminding him

That I am not the kind of guy that he should find home in.

But he doesn't deserve this kind heartbreak.

So I lean into his arms.

Hold him as close as

One without a heartbeat can.

He whispers he loves me.

I say it back.

I don't believe myself.

I hope he doesn't either.