He Doesn't Deserve Me

Self Improvement

When you realize it's all over... When the glares get shorter..

When your heart starts beating normal...

When the conversations become a debate...

For what?

Why put so much time and effort into something and wanting to let it go to waste...

Why let someone sit in front of you in pain and not wanting to help...

What's the point of love?

When you can't even be yourself anymore...

Makes your mind go mad knowing you can't change a persons feelings for you...

Even how bad you want it.

Even how long you've prayed for it.

Even how much love and compassion you've put into it.

Sometimes a person just realize all of the needs they wanted from you is no more.

Sometimes a person just chooses a person to mentally distress.

Even when they know the kind of person you are.

Even when they know how hard it is for you to open up and be yourself.

The sad part is I still can't be my full self or I'm obnoxious, and annoying.

I'm boring.

I'm immature.

I'm retarded.

Im socially-awkward.

Im crazy.

I'm clingy.

But I'm trying.

That's all I've ever done for us is try.

To be someone that's always there for you.

And I don't give up.

That's why I haven't.

Even how much you push me away,

And want nothing to do with me anymore than just sex.

I know the physical connection is strong but without emotions what is anything?

I'm not just a piece of meat, I'm a beautiful young woman, molding into myself while learning everything, and anything.

I need someone to believe in me,

I need someone to motivate me,

I need someone who wants to push me to not be in a shell,

But understands I have limits, and I can get hurt very easily.

I'm sensitive I take everything you say to me to heart.

"Why do you even put up with me if you know I'm bad for you"

"I still have feelings for her"

"Not much longer" of dealing with your craziness"

"You got to live your life yourself",

you said

So that's what I'm going to do.

I shouldn't have to deal with this when you knew I was abused in my last relationship, you know my past but fail to be something different.

You may be a little older but you're still the same.

I'm glad I'm pushing you away.

maybe that's what my plan really is maybe I need you to end this or hate this in order to move on.

Maybe I just needed you to realize how much you meant to me,and how much I looked up to you.

I guess you can say I'm pushing myself away from this. Or just really seeing your true colors.

You're so selfish, and I hope you find happiness someday. Because you've definitely damaged mine for a year and a half.

Things just can't be seen in black and white.

I see things in color, I see the true meanings of what is in front of me.

I know this was one of the biggest mistake I made in my life because I can't let go even when I know it's nothing but wrong for me.

I know it can't do anything but regress.

I know it can't progress when only one person wants it too.

I know it won't go any farther than 2016.

I know it's not anything worth me being sad about anymore.

You've shredded to many tears that he doesn't deserve.

You've stayed up to many nights hoping you'd at least get a text goodnight knowing that he's safe at home.

You've had to many panic attacks that weren't noticed or cared about.

I just got to keep telling myself.

He. Doesn't. Deserve. Me.

I am beautiful.

I am strong.

I am smart.

I am hardworking.

I am honest.

I am caring.

I am funny.

I am loving.

I am me.

You don't own me.

And I don't need you.

                                    -M.C

Now Reading
He Doesn't Deserve Me
Read Next
The Last Straw