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it was 2004
the year my father told me that sticks and stones
would shatter bones
but names would never hurt me
by the time i was 16 i was diagnosed with
bulimia and anorexia
i wonder if he still believes that the names won’t hurt me
standing half-naked in front of the mirror
sucking in my tummy trying to mold a better version of myself
but the reflection's laughter told me to find another way
i was never bought up in an environment
where counting calories was practiced like the gospel
or where I could order pills online
to help fit the media’s criteria of the "perfect body"
i’m self-taught in that area
in 2017 i obtained multiple organ failure
limiting my food supply had extreme ramifications
i told my father
and i apologised
but his shouting drained my existence
my mind was full of bees
and just like that
several months later i started securing my body
apparently that makes me an inspiration
i wonder if people would still think that
if I told them I took pride in having visible bones
or that i couldn’t help but fall in love
with my anorexia
that praying to the porcelain god
and taking laxatives
felt like i’d won an oscar
my eating disorder
was the most interesting thing about me
time is a wonderful healer
but healing is not easy
what do you want to be when you’re older