Gratitude
the experience & lesson to reform & awaken
I am so thankfulI had to watch it all fall.
I sitin my orange chair,staring awayat this computer screenwonderingif I’m actuallydoing enough,or what I’m supposed to.Be.
I look aroundand seea settingI’d never imagined.Awe.
I’m grateful,for lessons learned,and bridges burned.
The bookI’ve been writing,the pagesI’ve been wingingat chancesfilled with hopealigningthe spinereboundand stitchedtimeafter time.
I grewinto my back boneand redesignedmy spineexactlyhow I’d like.
The little girlI once wasand the womanI amsits herestreamingthe wordsfrom my mind,that my brainkeeps censoring.
If I told youthe truthyou wouldn’tbelieve me.In thatI followedand listenedto the deeper meaningof what could’veand would’ve beendestined.
But I didn’tlet that rule me,InsteadI found passion.It’s what drew me,and chased medown tomy knees.In what I ran toto escape reality.
SeeI comefrom a broken family.And in thatI curateda sense ofindependency.
I’d spendmy days outon that court,orange ball in hand,dribbling my fearinto the ground,and my nightsjournaling,emptying my brainof the pain,penciling outand pivotingmy perceptionof the liesthe enemywanted meto believe.
I would neverfeel wholeor lovedlike the other kidsaround mebecause theydidn’t seewhat I sawor have to lielike I had to,knowingit was neverright.But as I grewinto my truthI knewI’d beset free.
I learnedto block outanyoneor anythingthat distracted me.I ranwith my moralsand attachedmy valuesto my hip.Those twoalways caught mewhen I’d slip.
I let goand forgavethosewho bit me.I choose my bloodand surround myselfwith thosewho appreciatethe beautyGod throwsin the worstand bestmemoriesaligningour paths to crossfor you and Ito meet.There’s something herefor both of usto learnanddefeat.
When love shines in,it’s togetherwe will riseand enrichthe other livesof thosestruggling to chooseaddictionnot meant for themora better life.
It would’ve beeneasy for meto choosesubstanceor toxicity.But insteadI chose me.And today,I stillchoose me.And tomorrowI will too.
I’m thankfulI had to watch it all fall.
I rebuiltmy shitstrongerthan you’ve ever seenin her before.To be redone,and rebuiltover and overand overagain.
I’m grateful,for lessons learned,and bridges burned.
Because as it all fell,I discovered:
love is dope.love is wild.love helps cope.love is dopamine reconciled.love is the drug.love is always the answer.
and love...
is the reason we’re alive.
And I love myself enoughto realizethat nothing is forever,and we can’t stay madat the design.- c.r.rose
About the Creator
Candice Rose
writes | creates | moves
ig: @candice.r.rose @crrosewrites
twitter: @candicerrose
Comments
There are no comments for this story
Be the first to respond and start the conversation.