Funeral for My Lovers

I went to the funeral

And it was closed casket.

I wore sweatpants and a sweatshirt.

I walked up to the casket and yelled

“how could you!”

“I hate you”

And I sat there and waited.

And as the casket was lowering down...

I plunged myself into the 6 foot hole in the ground.

I clung and I cried.

I tried

to bring what was in it back to life.

Then I climbed my way out of the hole once I realized

there was nothing left.

Everyday

I sat by the grave,

Having imaginary conversations.

Somewhere the ideas of what I would say,

somewhere arguments of the day

I left.

I brought flowers every day.

I laid in my bed, I cried, and I prayed

For the pain to be taken away.

I would then proceed to try to live my life, clinging to anyone who would say hello.

Dreading the goodbyes.

When everything in life would fail, I’d go back to the grave site.

I’ve been to 4 funerals.

Each grave lined up next to each other

one

after

another.

I am a collection of broken hearts.

From homes, to lovers,

My possessions, children, and brothers.

I take a step back and look at all that’s laid before me.

I walk away.

No more flowers for the dead.

No more mourning the "I'm sorry's" that weren't said

For each funeral was a lesson,

Each person a blessing.

Goodbye, my loves.

- I have taken my losses. Healing began with me.