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And the truth is I’m the one to blame.
I messed up.
I tried to make pieces fit that really in the long run never would have.
I let my heart rule my mind.
I lived in the moment and tried to make it last.
And I really did believe it could work.
I really did believe you were the only one for me
And that I couldn’t live without you.
Time goes on.
Loneliness isn’t only felt by fools.
Though I was never really lonely
Just without the one, I thought I needed.
I kissed too many of the wrong frog.
Not knowing what was right for me.
I didn’t love you the person,
I loved you the idea.
It was more about his traits than him as a person.
I cried many nights and looked for him in everyone.
Really I was looking past myself and who I was.
I was becoming this person he wanted me to be.
I was selling myself out to become someone he could love.
And he did love me when I wore that mask.
The real me always shone through in cracks.
There were pieces of me he never saw.
Pieces that made me who I was,
And I did a good job hiding them.
It was all for this love that never would be.
For babies, I would never hold.
And vacations I would never go on.
It was all for nothing that I tortured myself.
I believed I messed up the one good thing I had.
When really I had grown sick of it.
And was looking for the next best thing.
I was sick of being a person I was not,
And of him hating the real me.
If you take pieces and parts you can Frankenstein your perfect mate.
But maybe the one that is really good for you is hiding in the shadows
And just as heartbroken as you are.
This poem is featured in the book Passing Skeletons.
Passing Skeletons is a collection of poetry written by Amanda Zylstra. This collection has various themes including relationships, mental illness, addiction, and death. Each poem is filled with vivid descriptions, metaphors, and truth. This collection contains poetry written over the past 20 years and is the first published collection by this author.