For Lauren...

I

"For Lauren," forlorn she types

From inside her shell

Of despair

Combing her hair with hand

Looks up to light

Reflected

She was infected she thinks

By crazy lazy people

Who hated

What seemed fated blinded her on

Her path through a blizzard that

Always blew

The cursor a new blinks madly

Voices cackle in the background

Of her mind

"It was unkind" no delete that

"I was always" that is wrong too

Too too wrong

His sexual song had seemed so right

Sooooo right every night

That is gone

Bruises that shine ripen like fruit

But when he took her unripe

She was lost

Questions tossed up around her

Like rivers overflowing flooding

Her being

With brave seeing answers emerge yet

The snow started to really fall

And hide her

"Sorry, it was selfishness

I thought we would be happy

I was wrong.

He was too strong for me.

Hope you have a good life

Think of me."

After she adds a love and a cross

Re-read check no auto-correct

Has changed it.

Regret in the pit of her stomach

Rises up inside her almost

Choking her

Slowly she hovers finger over phone

Send simple message home

There it flies

All that she denies is now gone

Her epitaph a platitude

Worth nothing

What does it bring but a simple

Longing lost in time

Love left dead

A heart unfed will eat anything

Even a fool with a fist

Plus sports car

From afar he looked a catch

A harbour to protect her

From the wind

She had pinned her hopes

Like a tail on a donkey

Her eyes blind

He must be kind, must be good

Must look after us

Has to work

Underneath a quirk of character

Fatal flaw that would explode

In her face

If she could trace a path

A route to a different choice

She would do

Drunken nights with spew and hate

Failure's flailing hand would swing

Right hand first

Yet it was worse when he was sober

Because she could not explain

Must not say

In one word delay one decision

In another desperately lies

The right one

It was done to her but she could cope

Poor lost Lauren would cry

That was it

Slow motion hit on the head

Lauren lies like a doll

All so still

II

In the hospital bed

She looked so lost and pure

Ivory Ghost

Yet she was almost lost to her

All the bubbles had popped

She just starred

Unduly unprepared for tragedy

Smiles covered trouble

Covered truth

Yet the tooth that was gone

Had no fairy to help heal

Nor the scar

Even from afar you could see it

'Lauren your hair will hide it'

Went the lie

If only she could fly away from it all

Ascend to clear blue freedom

And just go

Not to know or remember

All the blood, the pain, the anger

And the rage

To shift to the last page of the book

Where the happy endings lie

Not to be stuck

With the buck stopping at her

Spin the bottle of blame and it all

Points one way

There will be one day it will go

But only with last breath breathed

Last thought made

She had betrayed her and not for love

She had forgotten her

She had lost

The coin was tossed and she had

Called it wrong, spun the wheel

Only to fail

Her train would derail and crash

And in the wreckage

Lay Lauren

III

Claudia she was called

Ever so sympathetic ever so

Fucking nice

Yet there was ice running through

That social worker's bones

On that day

Tawny hair wavy ponytail

Cut glass vowels plus

The sealed smile

All the while she knew what was

Behind those clear blue eyes

In that head

Yet she said she was sure

They would sort it all and

Sort out blame

'Such a shame, don't worry

You have been through hell

You won't lose your girl'

Yet in a whirl she was gone

'Unfit' was the word they used

Sooo ironic

Cos her body was bionic almost

Cross country champion

At her school

And there is the rule of 'unfit'

It is all she can see on the page

The only word

Like the roar purred from a crowd

You only hear one sound

One emotion

Her devotion did not count

Just the stupid gamble

On wrong man

Like a fan she had made her choice

He was her team to support

Despite grief

Her faith, her belief had been with him

Yes she should have run

But to where

Who would care for her in this world

Her parents had thrown her out on

Lauren's bump

On the dump of shame she was and

Friends melted like ice as he came

On the scene

There was no refuge for her

As always she was left

With her wits

But when the bits won't fit

And the chain is gone

What is left?

Just the bereft and beaten

Fall, fall, falling down

In a heap

'So shall ye reap' her mother said

But it was not that simple

Not that straight

Was it fate? No but a trap

Is still a trap when you

Can't escape

Claudia had said she'd seen

Loads of cases like hers

Not to worry

In a hurry they came during cartoons

'She'll be safer, ' they said

Lauren cried

All denied she floated in air

Before tumbling down

So far down

No magic gown no puff of smoke

No magic recovery for her

She was dead

IV

Some judgements are quick

Some are slow to come along

She must wait

For her fate to be decided by

Someone who did not know

About her

Every 'your honour' hides

Raging mother, fury unconfined

Fighting now

Yet how could they not see

How could they not know

It was love

The woman above should realise

Should show she shouldered

The same care

But there under their perfect hair

They just told her to calm down

'In contempt'

When exempt words can fail

But one word came and it was

Peremptory

Why did her story not count?

It was like shouting in to

A vacuum

A background hum they ignored

She was blanked out and then

It was said

In her head all she heard was

One word in a cycle

'A dopt ed'

It echoed went dead and repeated

Like a loop scratched and screeching

That one word

She had not heard anything else

None of the explanations

All the why

Her alibi was simple desire

Animal attraction to a man

She thought good

The fairy tale stood on its head

Prince charming becomes a frog

Then a thug

An institutional shrug Lauren was gone

To be cared for by someone else

Another mum

She was scum in their eyes

How could she let this happen

To her love

No help from above or below

No cure for the heart unhealed

No way out

She could shout and scream

And she did again and again

Stir crazy

It's all hazy now in her head

A touch of darkness

An eclipse

A kiss on the lips comes to her

After a bath and a story

A cuddle

And now it's all muddle and mess

The wires all tangled and torn

Threads uncut

V

The message is sent out

Flying across the ether like a

Horse at speed

Galloping with such need it hurts

It's almost like telepathy

Love in thought

It can't be bought or sold

But it can be won or lost

Like property

She paid the fee of error

Her life was not free of bugs

Won't compute

As if the route was always blocked

Gateways permanently closed

No way through

But who? Mother? Daughter?

Not friend or foe just an

Entity

Existing, free but forever bound

By that moment when, when...

All is black

We all lack something or other

Even the golden and glorious

Hide a secret

Suppress regret for a love lost

A mistake made or even a

Lonely heart

Once the errors start you fall

Complication leads to breakdown

All is lost

There is no host and we are

Left to restart and try again

With just hope

Give us enough rope we all hang

By mistakes misfortune misbegotten

Times gone by

With no whys or wherefores

No explanation just excuses

That just fly

That just fly