For Him

# -Let's go to Vietnam!

- You mad!! What should we do in Vietnam?

- Well, not right now. We should save up some money and then go on a trip.

- You mad haha! I said smiling, watching you speaking with suck enthusiasm.

# - Yo, let's go grab a coffee. I'll pick you up from work and we can go to the beach.

# - Everything will be ok, stop overthinking. You're stressing too much and it's not good for your health.

# - We are connected, you know? We're here and now either to learn a lesson from each other, either to finish something we didn't in our past lives. What do you think?

•

I haven't got the chance to fully answer your last question. I didn't thought I had too, you already knew what I was thinking.

You knew more than you said you knew. You knew how it was going to start and how it was going to end from the beginning. And you didn't hold back. And you were honest, or at least you tried to.

So I'll try and be honest, for the both of us.

•

I got no regrets about everything we've done. I wished it would last longer but I was too afraid telling you this, fearing that I might lose you. And I think that was the reason I lost you after all.

I was so concentrated on you being ok that I completely forgot about me. I forgot about friends, work and family. Living in a bubble, waiting for you to show me a needle and clumsy as you are, I waited for you to trip and pinch my bubble, waking me to reality.

I was aware of this every single second, that's why I was staring at you so deeply and whenever you asked me "what's going on" I would always reply with "nothing really... was thinking about what should I wear tomorrow".

I've decided to lose everything for a while so I can enjoy every moment spent with you. That's why I never blamed you. I ain't stupid. I won't play the victim role and throw shit at you so I can hide my mistakes. I really tried playing up that card, hoping that I'll move on quickly, because it's easier to hate a person rather than accepting that nobody is perfect, the universe doesn't revolves around you, every damn decision you took it and basically you're the only one to blame for your unhappiness.

I really do appreciate the fact you were straightforward with me. You were open and you focused all your attention on me.

I do appreciate the fact that you told me not to fall for you, because you won't be there in the end.

And I do appreciate the fact that you didn't turned your back on me once we've done fucking, making all sort of cheap excuses because of feeling guilty about having sex with a guy and you didn't made me feel like a random bitch in your bed.

Instead, you hugged me and asked me if I'm okay, if I need something. But as soon as I wanted to say something, you fell asleep on my shoulder.

A part of me wished that you were like the rest. At least we wouldn't end up like this.

But the other part of me was filled with so much joy and happiness, knowing that I can open up so easily to a total stranger and got the chance to experience the best I ever had until that point.

I was so glad that after a long period of time, someone came and reminded me that life is more than work, money and party. You reminded me that I am capable of feeling and that I can wear my naturally ugly smile and not the one specially designed for Instagram.

I miss you... but not really "you" as a person.

I miss experiencing you.

I miss that euphoric energy we used to create every time we were together. Miss the nights we were standing next to each other without making a single noise, when we used to take forever getting ready to go out then realising that we were too lazy for that and cuddle up in bed instead.

Miss our coffees and mussles at our favourite restaurant. Stressing you out with "Malibu" from Miley Cyrus every time we were chilling on the beach.

And I do miss our deep talks when we had too much substances in our blood and the serotonin was way too high.

I miss the person whom I can easily connect with.

The one who gave me hope, reasons to take it easy, enough courage to believe in myself and dreams and made me realize that I'm the one that's deciding if they're going to materialize or not.

Who was always happy.

Who made me realize that I'm worth of tons of beautiful things that life has to offer.

Who taught me to have confidence and to never be afraid of making my voice heard, no matter how different or shitty my opinion is.

Who could lift my spirits with a simple text.

Who made me feel quite special.

Who was selfish.

Who stayed up all night with me watching Modern Family.

Who made me think outside the box.

Who was stubborn, ambitious, competitive, spendy and sometimes hypocrite.

Who showed me that I have enough resources to get what I want.

Who gave me butterflies every time he texted.

Who broke my heart and left, making me believe he played the greatest act of his time.

The one who I've tried to forget about through alcohol and drugs.

I've hit rock bottom and I couldn't blame you.

I've accepted the fact that I was wrong, that I didn't know what I got into and the fact that we were both lonely and just in need of some arms to sleep in and a mouth to tell us that everything is going to be just fine.

That we weren't made to last, but to remind each other that we are capable of giving and receiving love.

I won't blame you and I stopped blaming myself either. I still hope we'll both achieve what we set in our minds, even though somebody else will be standing next to us.

We were a match, but sadly matches burn out faster than we thought...