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For God's Sake, Don't Read Bukowski

You'll get depressed.

By snaggletoothvsPublished 5 years ago 1 min read
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For God's sake, don't read Bukowski.

You'll start smoking, become an alcoholic, think

ham sandwiches are good conversation.

You might say, 'Fuck you,' to your neighbor

or start slamming doors in salesmen's faces.

You'll ruin occasions by showing up in

your bathrobe and house slippers

with a glass of whiskey in your hand.

You'll get into a drunken fistfight or worse:

you'll get depressed.

There's no circumstantial evidence

to support these outrageous claims but

I know from hands-on experience that,

if you read Bukowski,

you'll get depressed.

When you're depressed, you might

read more Bukowski.

If you read enough Bukowski,

you might start thinking you're a poet.

That's bad stuff.

You'll think if he could do it then

you can most certainly do it

and you'll try to write snapshots

in unilateral verse.

You might go pillaging paperbacks

and upending thesauruses

looking for the right words and

a dose of the right stuff.

You might stop caring.

You could become a Nihilist.

You could throw a typewriter through a window or

have a contentious series of very bad encounters

and worse relationships or you might take

matters into your own hands,

cut your hair,

and change your name.

God forbid you read Bukowski.

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snaggletoothvs

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