First Love

It happened so fast

When you said we wouldn't last

It was a blindside

I was swept out with the tide

You promised me this wouldn't be how we would end

Did you even mean it then?

I asked you why

And hated that you saw me cry

You gave me no chance

To mend the fence

Said you'd made up your mind

And tried to be kind

You gave me nonsense reasons

To conceal your feelings changing like seasons

I still had hope

I felt tethered to you, like a rope

But you said you were done

I knew your feelings were gone

I heard the whispers, I heard the talk

I saw the way you looked at her, watched her walk

Across the room next to you

I guess now that's her spot too

How easy was I to replace?

Just so easily she took my space

All in the same day

It was only two months, they say

I recalled the last text

That you hadn't read yet

It'd be the first thing you see

After you left me

I ask if you ever loved me

You say you had, really

But not anymore

That hurt even more.

I couldn't smile

I cried every day while meanwhile

Your arm was around her tight

And I couldn't stop talking about that night

You promised me every day

You wouldn't do it this time, you wouldn't play

You said I wasn't like them, wasn't the same

Said you fell for me the first time you heard my name

And now I feel so dumb

To know I was just under your thumb

And what a lie you drove

When you said I made you know love

How happy you were that we could be

And you didn't believe before me

I always said I wouldn't care more

but I broke when you closed the door

Distracted when you made my head spin

I forgot that if you care least, you win

It turns out you didn't like my flaws

All my imperfections you saw

I thought you were perfect

Got butterflies in my stomach every time we met

It's a month now

I still can't get over the way you sound

She has you so enchanted

But you were all I ever wanted

They say if you love something let it go

But when you left I wanted nothing more than to follow

I can't stand to look at you together

All it does is make me remember

How that used to be me

Everyone thinks I'm so stupid to be

Still upset, and not over it

But I just don't know how to forget

I don't know how to let go

I don't know how to know

To be fine

I can't get you out of my mind

Without you I don't know how to be

Because you were the best thing that ever happened to me

I'm waiting for the pain to end

Because I don't know how to be okay again

I still remember our walk

How you said you needed to talk

How I already knew what you would tell

How I knew you so damn well

How the look on your face I read

How afterwards, you kissed my forehead.

How you walked away

I wasn't good enough to make you stay