Finally Silence

The soft patters of rain on the roof of our car hardly mirror the tumult going on inside it. Inside the car rages a tornado. To me, the tornado is my brothers destroying every ounce of excitement that I feel on the way to Grandma’s house. The aroma of grimy brothers wafts around me suffocating my pleasant thoughts. My patience is like a rope with a 200 pound weight on it, hanging by a single thread. My parents seem to feel the same way, but they exasperate the problem by saying no to the vexatious complaints of the two gremlins sitting next to me. As I go to clean up a slobbery substance off of the floor, I feel a pair of feet slam into my head, impacting and blinding my vision. I am diverted from the unidentified concoction on the floor, to the fit-throwing, small bundle of chaos next to me. The chaos is more than I can handle and I start to cry complaint after complaint to my parents and brothers. The van is filled to the brim with angry and distressed voices. The thunder and rain has grown to deafening heights, but all of the voices around me remain audible. The next thing I know, my brothers are quarreling with words and fists. My dad spins around from the wheel and road to break up the tumult formulating in the row of seats behind him. As my dad turns, the wheel turns with him and without any acknowledgement from our family, the car careens towards the side of the road. In an explosion of metal and glass, we hit the rail that protects cars from lurching over the side of the road and down the steep slope. The rail causes our car to flip over and tumble down the hill. The ground seems to swiftly pull our car into the depths of a dark nothingness. During this cataclysm, the screams and overwhelming wails of terror sound from the car as it plummets down…down…down. What seems like hours, takes actually a matter of seconds and after making several flips, the car comes to a standstill. Silence pierces through my ears. The world seems to be spinning. Everything stops and the raindrops freeze in midair. Lying here, feeling paralyzed, I think of how things could have and should have been.

​Then, everything continues just as life continues, and I hear screeching of tires on wet asphalt, horror-filled screaming, and running footsteps. Shadows envelop my gaze and I realize that I can’t move because I am stuck -- stuck in a mess of crushed metal and debris and in the inner struggle with my own thoughts. I feel strong hands lift the burden off my shoulders. However, my heart is still heavy with sorrow and guilt. As I am pulled limply from the car, I catch a glimpse of four angels. Four angels I wish I could see again. As I think of these things, I am being torn from the scene of distress and the murkiness of the day pulls me into its unforgiving embrace.

As I awaken from my laborious trance, the first sound I hear is the brain-racking monitor sounding, “beeeeeeep-beeeeeep-beeeeeeeeep.” It signals I am still alive. Then I remember the “beep-beep-beeping” of my brother’s blood-red fire truck that used to drive me crazy. Now, lying here, I long to hear that sound. Then I recall the fighting, the darkness, the rain, the glass, and the sirens. It all comes back to me in one staggering instant. I immediately call out in distress, and a nurse rushes to my side. I ask about the angels I saw in the demolished vehicle and she goes pale. I understand and drown into my own world where I can go back in time and fix everything that I did. But it all slips away from my grasp and I am left alone, defenseless, and fragile...