Feeling Extreme

Today I am not myself

my skin isn't mine and these thoughts do not belong to me

I feel as if I could easily rip my skin apart

That my emotions are too extreme

That me Skylar will not be good enough

oh no this is not an empowering poem

these are feelings that have yet to express in a healthy way

feelings I'm unsure of how to express

how do you explain to your loved ones that after four years

you still ache for pain

you see it as if you must punish yourself for something you did

or even that it'll let you have control over something

the one thing you can or cannot do

it's yours to decide not someone else's

unlike how you had to no control over mama leaving

or dad

or the bad man that creeps into bedrooms

you can't control those things