Faith.

I love you.

Sometimes I doubt you.

Sometimes I feel alone.

I feel as if every day becomes more, and more, unbearable. I feel as if I were Atlas holding up the weight of the worlds on my shoulders, crippling me in every shape and form.

But then I feel you.

I feel your presence on Sunday morning promptly at 9:00 A.M

As I raise my hands to worship, the music fills the small room with perfect quarter notes, sharps, and flats, the symphony of imperfect people with imperfect voices, suddenly becomes the most beautiful sound in the world. I feel a never-ending flow of love, and grace rushes over my fingertips as it trickles down into the cold stone like cracks of my heart.

I feel joy.

Pure and absolute joy.

I feel like a child again; I feel like a toddler running straight into my father's strong arms as I'm cradled by your love.

I feel your love whenever I open your word and take in spoonful by spoonful the impossible sacrifices and pain you've endured.

I feel your love early in the morning whenever the sun starts her day, and the sky over floods with magnificent oranges, yellows, and shades of pink to the likes of which I've never seen before.

I feel your love whenever it rains, and the thunder roars your mighty name, and the lightning strikes the sky decorating the dark blue with patterns of electrical light.

I feel your love whenever the wind brushes my hair off the side of my cheek and whispers sweet, wonderful, words to my empty ears, as it makes its way from the East to the West.

I feel your love whenever it's dark outside and I gaze up into the sky and see the stars that you've named.

I feel your love when I'm alone at night. Whenever I can't plug the leak that's sprung in my eyes. When I feel so alone, I look at a razor blade and see a ray of light, when a bottle of pills looks more appetizing than the grandest feast. I feel your love before I have the courage to make the first cut or swallow the first pill.

Faith.

I have faith in you, in your love. Because if you don't believe in me, then why am I still here?

I no longer feel doubt.

I no longer feel alone.

I feel safe.

I feel love.

I feel you.

A.P.M