Escape

I don't know how to do this.

I'm scared of myself,

Of my emotions,

Of my thoughts.

My mind is a glass cage,

Filled to the brim with water

And I'm trapped inside;

I'm running out of air.

There are moments where I'm alive,

Where I'm able to swim to the top.

In those moments I gasp for air

Taking in as much as I can.

For I know that soon,

I will sink back down to the bottom

And the scariest part is

I never know if I'll make it back to the top.

Every day is a struggle

Between remembering how to swim

Or letting myself drown

And I truly never know which I will choose.

For remembering to swim

Brings back the memories

Of how the water

Has swallowed me whole,

The water that I used to float on

So carelessly

Has now become my prison

Dragging me deeper into its darkness.

I feel myself,

Becoming nothing more

Than an empty shell

Of the girl I once was.

Like a hermit I feel myself pull away

From anyone who tries to near me

And when the time comes

My soul will depart,

Leaving behind the shell I've learned to live in.

My emotions like weights

Dragging me down

To the bottom of this glass cage

That is my mind.

This cage,

So fragile,

It could shatter with one wrong touch,

One wrong move.

So I write to you, dear journal

Wash away my fears

For I feel like a tsunami

Blowing through people lives.

I ask you,

Please heal me from my wounds

Give my mind solace

And protect me from myself,

For my thoughts are like waves

Crashing over me constantly

As I try to remember

How to swim

Destruction is my destiny,

Death is my fate.

Because sadly,

The mind.

Is a cage you can't escape.