Empty

There must be something wrong with me.

How could there not be?

It’s as if I’ve been walking around this world with spinach between my teeth for 22 years

Walking around wondering

Wandering

Searching for that similar-minded, broken-hearted individual

Like myself

It’s funny though,

The thought of such a woman, as “strong” as I, to feel any kind of sorrow

But my happiness is irregular

You could say borrowed

I consistently find myself sucking life from the smiles that are occasionally given to me in the faces passing by

My energy

My happiness

Why woman

Why rely on such trivial acts

For what?

You know, I wasn’t always like this

Empty

My heart used to be so full I felt as though I had been chosen

Chosen to spread this excessive amount of love

The kind that keeps you up all night and leaves you refreshed in the morning

The kind that takes your deepest pain and somehow manages to sweep your mind of all negativity even if just for a moment

The most pure kind of love

But it only takes one heartbreak

One dishonest word

One lapse in judgment

And it was gone

5 years later and I’m still searching for that missing piece

The love that I once had so imbedded inside of my soul I truly never thought I would feel

Empty

He gave me everything

My life

My family

My first glance at what Love is and can be

And then it was gone

One lapse in judgement

One dishonest action

A few cruel words

It was gone

He’s supposed to be the one to show a daughter what a man is supposed to be

How a man should never leave

A man should never be disloyal

He could never be disloyal

Right?

5 years later and I’m still looking

For that lost love

That missing piece

The faces on the streets remind me of that warmth

The comfort that one human can give to another is unfathomable

I want that

My heart longs for that endearment, that affection, the attachment and binding of strings of the soul

We live in a time where unsteady foundations are the root to it all

Disloyalty

Unfailing and unwavering distrust

The words “I cheated” have become the new norm

But as I lay in bed alone I can’t help but to feel that I’m the only one

Alone in my sorrow

Self pity

Idiot

How selfish could I be to claim this feeling for only myself

Somewhere

I hope someone is reading this and they know

They feel our soul strings intertwining

I hope our tears shed rhythmically and unapologetically

They just know

But I also hope for love

That I experience that unrequited love that we all dream to have

I long for the realization that there is nothing wrong with us

Because how could there be?