Eight

You talked me into going to a club with you.

We went with a friend of yours.

He was dating one of the bouncers, at the time.

I’m sure they’re both thrilled to be getting featured.

I’m sure your friends all think I’m crazy, too.

It was a gay night club in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

I was nervous as hell, and far too sober for this adventure.

I was never the party type before I met you.

I think you always have been.

You’ve always been a lot to handle.

I felt the music deep in my chest.

And the lights were giving me a headache.

But you looked so fucking good.

And you were so excited that I agreed to come.

It turned out to be the best night of my life.

You dragged me onto the dancefloor.

You completely underestimated me, when I told you I couldn’t dance.

I really did try my best.

I would have never done that for anyone else.

We flirted with each other, as though we had just met.

It lasted all night long.

You whispered how badly you wanted me, on the benches in the smoking area, with a cigarette in your hand.

And as you pulled me close to you, in the crowds of people.

Always making sure that your lips barely grazed my ear, when you leaned in.

You even texted it to me, in the car, while we were on our way to the bouncer’s apartment.

I forget his name.

He fucked up way before I did.

We got drunk that night.

I made sure that I set a limit for myself.

I was on my best behavior for you.

You know how I can get when I drink too much.

His roommates taught me how to salsa dance.

They were nice guys.

I think you might have laughed at my attempts to find rhythm.

I was laughing at myself.

It might have just been the alcohol, though.

But you always gave me butterflies, it didn’t matter if I was sober or not.

You kissed me, long and hard, in his bathroom.

You followed me in there, and we ended up making out.

We stopped, so that no one would hear us.

We went out onto his porch to smoke.

I smoke a lot, when I’m drinking.

You smoke a lot now, in general.

You told me that you saw a future in me.

You told me that you wanted a future with me.

That I was the only guy you’ve ever seen a future in.

I’ll never forget that, even though it was probably a lie.

I guess I’ll never know, now.

I kissed you again, as you leaned against his kitchen counter.

My hands rested on your hips, and you held onto my wrists to keep me close.

Your lips were warm and soft, and tasted faintly of alcohol and menthol.

You are a really good kisser.

We partied until the sun came up.

We ended up having to sleep on an air mattress that night.

My back hurt the next morning, on top of a hangover, but it was worth it to finally be alone with you.

I’m sure we all know what happened once we were alone.

We laughed for what felt like hours.

And I held you as close as I possibly could.

I’ll never forget how you smiled at me.

You had so much life in that smile.

It has always been my favorite thing about you.

I don’t think you smile enough.

I fell in love with you, that night.

I knew that, without a doubt.

I miss you every single day.

I would give anything to go back to that night.

I would give anything to go back to that feeling with you.

I’m so sorry.

I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that memory.

I love you, bug.