Dyslexic Girl with a Book Tattoo

Letter to Me

The hardest part is not knowing what is really true,

Not being sure if you're ready to be you

All these thoughts and opinions in my head

I can't just forget what you have said.

I will never be that little girl

You will never get to see the way my hair starts to curl.

But I am not nothing more to you than your punching bag

All of this is such a drag,

Don't base anything on what you see

They will never know the real me

Truth is that little girl of your wants to die

But that's too selfish so she sits alone and has to ask herself why?

Why they must feel this way

Scared of what you are capable to say

A kid of 18 should not have to deal with this much pain,

And think there's so little out here to gain.

Countless endless nights

All there is mental fights.

Blood stained sheets,

But that's alright because you're not out on the streets.

When all your smiles are fake

From all the pain you intake.

When you've always felt broken

But you body is a token

Despite it all, darling you keep on fighting

You know there has to be a better ending.

You take all that pain with a grain of salt

Trying to tell yourself it's all your fault.

You are not to blame for what you have gone through

Please listen to what i say because it's true.

You are beautiful

The world isn’t always this awful

One day you're not going to worry where you sit

Because darling i know you're going to make it.

And now you see,

This isn't just a letter to you, it's a letter to me.

Continue Searching

There's something both terrifying and beautiful

In having someone help show you that you are loveable

After years of hating yourself this person comes

And changes the entire game

You have that chance

That's it then

they are gone

Or they stay.

You can think it’s your soulmate

Maybe they are

But maybe its one sided.

If you lose it

You’ll search forever for a love like that.

If you keep it

You’ll never need to search again

But what hurts the most is when its both

It’s still there

But you have to keep searching.

He loved me like no one else can

Now he can’t see how to love me again

Point out the stars in my freckles

Held me close me when my stretch marks drove me mad.

I’ll continue to search

For the person who is right next to me

But will never be by my side.

Him

His bark eyes.

His long hair.

The way he quotes his favorite movies.

Kissing me to shut me up.

His warm embrace.

Him

He makes me smile.

When I’m alone I think of him.

Now he’s gone.

He left a hole.

How do I fix this?

Please leave me be.

He said he loved me.

Hes such a pretty liar.

Im broken because of...

Him.

Should I?

Should I tell him how I feel?

Or should I wait?

Do i just tell him? Should I?

What should I do?

I'm scared of his reply.

My heart says yes my brain says no.

Do I just Suck it up? Should i?

He will be gone before I know it.

Should I just leave it?

Let him find someone better?

Should I?

What should I do?

Should I?

Up

Up Up Up you go.

Will I ever see you again my dear friend?

Will you miss me like I’ll miss you?

Fallow your heart, be yourself.

I know you have to leave.

I’ll miss you a lot.

Fly superman fly.

Don't let the dark world hurt you.

Hope when you fly over me. You’ll remember me.

Find the love you need.

Laugh like it's the funniest thing you ever heard

Don't forget us at home.

Be your kind of crazy.

Most of all I love you.

Don't be afraid to come down.

You

You, I love you.

Love? What is that?

What could stop me?

Your just so perfect.

Crazy, Fun loving, Straight up.

Stop. Just hold me Please just be with me.

Never let me go.

Why cant you see me?

Let me love you.

Forever yours.

If only. Dreams can come true.

Your eyes light up.

Please just love me too.

These are the Nights

These are the nights

These are the nights I wish you were here,

these are the nights where my head feels heavy and my heart feels empty,

These nights I wish I could put into words, the pain I feel, but honestly nothing feels real.

Nights like these I want to run away and Just lay in the middle of the street and see what happens. Nights like these are where people ask me if I'm okay and I lie to them and reassure them that I'm okay, they ask over and over again but I never say that I'm anything but I'm okay. I can't speak up, I can't tell them, I feel like they won't understand, hell I don't even understand what my brain is doing this to itself.

These are the nights that I need someone here,

these are the nights that your never near.

These are the nights I wish you would pick up the phone even though I know you need your sleep. These are the nights where all I want is to feel something instead of this sea of nothing.

These are the nights where music doesn't help.

These are the nights where I remember where I keep the tools to bad ideas,

the nights were I draw a bath just to sit and feel the water get colder and don't get out but the water is all gone.

There's are the nights Where I don't understand why all the sounds hurt, I know your having fun.

These are the nights where I lay awake and wait for my brain to finally shut down.

These are the nights I pray to fall asleep before I fall apart.

These are the nights where I want to speak up but no words come out.

Nights like these I avoid my family so they don't question my tear stained cheeks and blood shot eyes.

These are the nights when you second guess when People say they love you and they are always here for you

Because where are they on these nights.

These are the nights I argue if what I want is truly selfish, cowardly.

These are the nights where I write /that/ note over and over again in my head.

I'm so sorry for these nights. I'm so sorry I can't get out of these nights.

God please tell me there won't be any more of these nights.