Dying Memory

I wish that when I thought of you, my heart didn't still skip a beat.

The way it did when you smiled at me,

or when I made you laugh.

I wish that when I thought of you, I didn't still urn to hear that laugh once more.

It could make me smile even on the dullest days.

You had such a way of making me whole.

But how I wish I didn't associate my wholeness with you.

I gave you the controls to my happiness, how you love your games.

The basketball ones, the arcade kind, especially the mind kind.

And when I think of you, I wish that was what I remember most.

Not that smile, not that laugh,

not how happy you made me feel.

But how I was no different than your console games,

and you shut us off just as you got bored.

***********

I pictured us together

then, now, and forever.

Taking on the world,

exploring life, growing into better people...

together.

Now you've moved on, happier without.

And all I have is the dying memory of what cannot be.