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Dude, I Wish...

Things Were... Different


#Iwish ...

I wasn't so angry that I could figure out why it still hurts me.
Why I'm so bitter and have all this anger within me.
Is it you, still... Dad?

Plaguing my brain and my very existence, to this day.
Probably the reason for my Bi-Polar and pain,
why I'm a demon inside and will never be the same, again...

I never... was, you know?
After you went.
Mom depressed for days...tried to kill herself.
Energy...and years... spent.

On you.

Love you despite the infidelity, and neglect and the ABUSE TOO!!!
HOW DARE YOU!?
Put your hand on her.

Don't try to deny it, I saw when her earing flew out of her ear when you slapped her.
You fucking coward...
I guess it's easier to degrade her...than to love, her.
Fuck other broads with me in the room,

"Babysitting"

while she's waiting, at home, in tears crying for hours. Did you ever love her... or Dwayne, or me at all?

Seriously for real n*gga answer my question, I deserve a #response! Especially when you leave a 7-year-old -in the middle of the night...
talking all this bullshit how "we're struggling for money" and "Mommy and I are not sure about each other"
So there's no using in #staying... #Right?

No... it's better to fucking dip and
leave me on the grey couch in Dicky's arms...crying because of your shit...asking, "what did I do?"

Only for him to tell me,

"Don't worry baby sis ...he did this to me too"

Mixing sugar water... when I fell from the kitchen chair, at the table, split my head on the floor with a crazy headache, Do you know that, dad?

Dicky took care of me, mixed sugar water for every time you hurt us...and made my heart ache.

I wish...
Goddammit, you could...just be real.
an HONEST man for once...instead of Grifter, a shit-head con artist with a different speel.

You silly ingrate... do you even #feel?
Do you realize you've caused a bruise that will never heal... Mom is 70 now... with no one to feel or hold at night.

Because she's always been fearful no one will ever treat her right.

Dwayne and I don't talk...Not like we used to and that's maybe cuz of all my issues...all the things you've caused despite countless tears and tissues...

took away countless fucking years.
Just like you did mom.
To be precise 25 of them... and you were never present for a single one.

Leaving her at a party for another girl.

LEAVING HER in the hospital with both, the birth of your son and baby girl...

WHAT KIND OF MAN ARE YOU?

Maybe that's the reason why I've never settled too... because I'm a terrified bi-sexual who thinks all human beings are like you. Even the ones who treated me like shit too.

Left me holding the shattered pieces of my life in my hands, like how mummy felt when she found out about your other plans.

To marry her...

the fucking skank Auntie Yolo introduced you too. I believe they were best friends... true?

I mean look at that fucked up shit... Family unit until the end...and me, caught up... in all of it! I can't believe you told me to call her "Auntie Debbie"

I swear to God I'd still call her a cunt...
(and would have back then).
if I wasn't afraid of the brunt.
And your bad moods and licks.

All the trips to Jamaica and leaving me at Grama Daphnes for 2 or so weeks so you could have your kicks...
You loathsome piece of shit!!!!!

I hope you're proud of yourself... proud of all of this...

Despite what you thought
ignorance is not bliss...
No rational human being could ever live like this.

Lying and cheating
So auntie Beryl and them,
hid the pills when they came up to see mom.

To love her, when she was stuck, in a common law love that was fleeting.

#Ihateyou

And no amount of #meditation will change this too
because you deserve no love...and pitty Ron.
You are a sham, a murderer (of my feelings) an offence to the Gods.

And I leave them to judge you...

Those are your odds...
Sweetie, I wish I had in me...
but you're not worth it boo.

Take Sakina, and Debbie and your new life too.
I'm glad you finally found yourself the perfect wife...
the perfect light-skinned kid and the perfect life.

You can fucking lie to whomever you want about, who you are...even to that kid... because, player, you and I... both know...what you did!

So I wish...
You goodbye... that's a stark improvement at one point I wished you would die.

Even kill you myself (if given a try)
But I'm different now...
It took a million sleepless nights and shattered dreams to pull me from hell... show me the deal, and now I know what's real.

Mom, Kyle, Kat, Claudia, Mitchell, Meggan, Keri, Adam, Sarah, Bill E Brandon, Brogan, Jasmine, Jade, Ryan Sypher & Citizen.

All the people who still stayed to love me despite the brokenness that you created... and left me in.

I wish you good luck.

Because, finally, when it comes to you, daddy?

...

I no longer give a FUCK!!!!

✌️😽🖕🤬📝🖋🗝🚪⚰️

☯️☮️©️🎶Inure Muse/ Inure Me (2019)

... "the stars look very different today"

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