Drowning Myself

Can someone please tell me what it's like to see the world in color. I would love to know?

Can someone please tell me that everything is going to be okay?

Can you promise that you'll catch me when I fall?

I sit in my mind chained to a wall as someone that looks like me has taken over and is now controlling me. I can't see anything anymore. Why?

Can you please help me? Can you hear me screaming?

You see the smile that's on my face is fake; it's just a mask to put on so no one notices that I am decaying.

I clench my teeth as the pain in my heart only grows stronger with every breath I take.

Every memory in my head keeps replaying over and over. Why won't they stop?

Can you help me? Can you save me?

I sit in the corner watching as people pass me by, not even taking a second glance at the corpse lying on the ground. That's me, can't you see?

You don't care; you never have and you never will.

I am used to this dark cloud that has somehow seeped into my skin. I am used to the constant feeling of dread and guilt. I am used to the feeling of pain hammering on my bones.

I might be standing tall but I am breaking down. I am falling to the ground. I am sitting in my coffin waiting for God to finally take me away from this awful place.

Why can't I love myself? I ask. Why can't I be like everyone else? Why am I here? Why did you have to make me knowing that it would only cause me pain?

My eyes close as I fall into the water letting the pain of water fill my lungs sink into me. What am I doing? What am I doing? What am I doing?

Can you save me?

Would you save me, or would you just sit and watch?

The darkness and I are friends. He is not a very good one. He laughs at my pain and tells me how stupid I am. He makes me feel worthless as I stand there in the mirror staring at myself wishing that I was different. Can I disappear?

I wish I could.... but I am to scared of what would come from it.

As much as I wish I was dead... I wish I was alive, too.

Life is a terrible thing that I wish I was never a part of. Why was I birthed into this place? This place that is filled with evil corruption. My eyes have gone dark seeing nothing the same anymore. I wish I was different.

Why can't my mind think like everyone else? Why can't I be like everyone else?

So... I'll ask one more time.

Can someone save me? Can someone save me from drowning? Can someone help me find love in myself?

Will you sit there and watch as I struggle to find it? Will you laugh when I run out of oxygen and I end up falling to the bottom of the ocean?

I’m begging and I’m screaming for someone to find me.

For someone to save me.

Until then, I guess all I can do is sit and wait.

I’ll watch you pass by with the devil that clings to your back.

I’ll watch as you too will get lost and will have no choice but to drown with me.

Maybe that's when I will find it.

When I will find love is when someone ends up dying with me.

I guess that's it.

Death is the answer.