Dreaming You Were Here

You walk into the room, and it registers in my mind that you're standing before me. "Thank God you're here," I say, and run over to you. My arms go around your neck as you pull me into a close, tight, warm embrace. I've been waiting for this for ages. I've needed this so often for so long. It's been so hard without you, love. You loosen up, but I can't let go. Not yet. You're here, you're with me. You're my baby, in my arms, finally finally in my arms, and I'm being held like I need to be. Like I long to be. Like I live to be. So your arms tighten around me again, and I release a quivering breath, relieved, just so glad you're not leaving yet. I whisper something into your ear, and you squeeze tighter. I'll exhaust all my words on you if nearness is my reward. If it means to be with you so closely.

Only then do I realize I'm holding my breath. I release a gentle exhale and replace it with more oxygen. I could breathe you in, if you'd let me.

Only then do I realize my eyes are squeezed shut. So I open my eyes and look around me.

I'm gripping a pillow ever so tightly, and a few rebel tears have penetrated the innocent fabric. My heart crashes in again, an implosion of devastating proportions.

I'm seeing reality. But I should be seeing you.

I grab my phone and read your text. Something simple. Hi.

I consider writing back that I direly need you with me, but what good would it do. 957 miles show little grace to lovesick hearts. I consider saying that, more than anything, I just want you to hold me. But that too will be an unsatisfied longing for the time being. No reason to bring chagrin to your demeanor too.

So I try to smile and respond back as happily as possible. Lock my phone, toss it lightly to the floor. Squeeze my eyes shut again and wish you were holding me.

Dreaming that you were here.

You walk into the room....