Dosage

Every day the edge of the serrated knife

Calls to me to help me unwind

I told the doctor

But he said I would be just fine

He gave me some pills to make my pain disappear

But the more that I take

Creates fear as I watch my own death inch near

How do you tell someone you feel like dying

As I dance with the devil

And everyone says to stop lying

Up the dosage

Make her choke them down

Cut after cut

These pills will calm you

You are not allowed to frown

Dazed and confused

Feeling like I don’t know where I am

My friends say just enjoy that made up land

Paranoia sinks in

Doubting my thoughts as I stumble

Just trying to stand

Spinning through the echoes of laughter

As I create my very own disaster

Stop making it worse

My family sings

When all I’m screaming is I want my own hearse

It’s that time again

Up the dosage

Make her choke them down

Cut after cut

These pills will calm you

You are not allowed to frown

Being strangled by depression as I lay in bed

Effortlessly not letting the light in

Unable to feel anything real

I ignore the frantic knocks on my bedroom door

People expect me to miraculously heal

I pray to the angels and make my final deal

I am nothing

Today is my day

One pill

One cut at a time

Taking the doctors grimful advice

Empty bottle covered in blood

Cold hands

Finally I can breath again

The doctor said they raised the dosage to fast

I am now a memory

Just there happy ghost of the past

To many pills

I let myself slowly drowned out the frowns.

Brandy Lawson